I am Tamiya…

It’s been 8 days (not that I’m counting). 8 full days of me not having one drag of one smoke. I used Champix to stop. I think I’m on Day 19 today.

Had it not been for Cazpi, I probably wouldn’t have made it this far. The tons of support I received from Twittervaliens – even people I don’t know or follow has been overwhelming, but Cazpi has been my Nr 1 personal cheerleader. I (or actually R, since it was his idea in the first place) owe you big time when you get settled in Jhb!

Let me tell you – this has probably been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. It’s not just about not lighting up/having a drag. There’s so much more that goes with the act of smoking: the habits, the social-ness, the using it as a coping mechanism.

I have been a smoker for more than half my life. I started in Jan/Feb Std. 6 or Gr. 8 (sorry, Mom). I’ll be 27 this year. I have never before been a non-smoking adult. Hell, I wasn’t even a non-smoking teen!

Will I start again? Hopefully not. Was I ready to stop? Maybe. Do I miss it? Yes. Right now I do. Some days I don’t know how to deal with life while not smoking about it. When I’m frustrated or angry or sad or bored. When I’ve just eaten, woken up, had coffee. When we’ve just come home after taking a drive anywhere.

I don’t have one though. I just think about it. And think how easy it would be to go back and do any one of the above.

Maybe it’s like after a break-up? When you only remember the good/fun about the relationship? And you fuzz over the bad parts? Surely I must have been ready to give up or I wouldn’t have started taking those pills? I can’t remember that now.

The pills have been great though. Except the nausea. The nausea is the worst! I feel sick for at least 3 hours after taking my pills, twice a day. And all I want to do when I feel so naar is go have a smoke A bit counter productive, but I don’t. I just kind of push through until I feel better or just forget about it.

I’ve been trying to drink more water, but I suck at that. I forget. I have a bit more coffee/tea though. I drink Vit C tablets, almost daily. Apparently that helps too. Luckily I don’t seem to be eating more now. Just the same as usual. The first few days I craved sugar, but that passed quickly.

This weekend past we had a braai at our house. Of the 12 people present, 10 of them smoked. I’m proud of myself! Even though a few times I was super tempted, I didn’t cheat once. And I was mainly tempted out of anger/frustration at the drunk people. I had 2 drinks myself, but they didn’t really trigger a need to smoke. I’m glad for that.

That’s one thing I’m finding now though: I’m an angrier person. Two Saturdays ago, I had probably the angriest day of my life!! Maybe it was just a reaction to the pills? And A1′s birthday party provided some distraction too. Perhaps it was a good thing I hadn’t completely stopped by then. I might have imploded that day

All in all it’s going well. Each day a little better. I still have moments of WTF am I doing this for, but they’re getting fewer and further apart. I’m also not obsessing over it for most of the day.

R said he’ll buy me boobs as a reward for stopping. Yay for boobies

xoxo