I am Tamiya…

A little while ago, I posted a snippet of a conversation between myself and A1 – because it’s one I wanted to remember. And even though you think you’ll remember all the cute things they say and do forever, you don’t. Most of you who read it, saw what it was about and even may have had a good giggle about it. I say most of you, because obviously there was someone who didn’t see the innocent, funny side….

The original post:

A conversation with A1 earlier today:

A1: Mom, when I’m big, will you die?
Me: Yes my baby, but only when you’re old and I am very old.
A1: Oh. But then I’ll be here all alone?
Me: No my love, you’ll have a wife and children of your own so you won’t be alone.
A1: Oh okay. But can she make tea…?

xx

Then this morning, after barely waking up and still checking out my emails with only my right eye focusing on the teeny tiny screen of my Blackberry, I read the following comment pending for that post:

I’m curious – why would you make him a promise you can’t necessarily keep? Promising him that you will only die when you are both old? What if life doesn’t go that way? I know a 5 year old whose parents both got killed when they were struck by a train. How would she have felt if her mum promised her she was not going to die until they were both old? I know a 3 year old who died after having cancer – how would the siblings have felt if the mum lied to the kids and said they will all be well and alive until they are all old? My daughter had a friend at daycare who suddenly passed away at the age of 4. This little girl was part of a twin. It was unexpected. I would imagine that if the mum ever promised the kids the family would only die when they are all old, the little boy who lost his twin sister would have felt betrayed and lied to – and rightfully so.

Personally I believe you can’t say something like that. Sure we all hope that we will all live long lives, but life does not always work this way. Parents owe it to their children to be as honest as possible. – Mary Smith (There’s an email address available upon request, no web address to link back to.)

Wow lady, seriously? Let me begin by saying I thoroughly enjoyed the overwhelming sense of positivity in your comment. Normally I wouldn’t feel the need to justify myself to a complete stranger, but in this case I’ll make an exception. You don’t know me or my parenting style, so Personally I believe you can’t have an opinion on the way I raise my children, but in order to help you sleep better at night, let’s analyze the conversation and look at it from a few angles…

The main focus of the whole conversation was not about death and dying, but about who is going to make him his tea, a VERY important part of his life at the moment. But we’ll look at the death bit, because obviously it upset you greatly:

1. A1 is THREE years old
2. I live in hope (Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one’s life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. — en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hope) that all of us will live long, full lives, so why not share that hope with my child?
3. Remember, he is THREE years old, so why burden him with a worry that Mommy or Daddy or his Baby may die tomorrow? Why let him agonise over something that may or may not happen, in the near future or one day when we’re very old, when he barely grasps the concept of death?
4. Do you believe this was our first and last and only conversation about death?
5. A1 is fortunate enough to have both parents, both sets of grandparents and two great grandmothers and a great grandfather on the maternal side, so logically, in his world, people have many birthdays and they get old. Very old.
6. I never *promised* him we’ll live to be old. I used information that would make logical sense in his world.
7. Should someone in his life (family or friend) pass away unexpectedly, we will deal with it in an age appropriate manner. I will guide him through the process of dealing with the loss in a way that will comfort him and make him understand that sometimes these things happen even though you don’t want them to.

So, Mary Smith, let me ask you this: Did your daughter at 4 think/believe/fear that you, her mommy, will die the next day? How did she cope with that? Are/Were you so truthful with your children growing up that they were faced with the harsh reality that Santa/The Easter Bunny/The Tooth Fairy doesn’t ACTUALLY exist? Did you never read your daughter fairy tales when she was little, because honestly, that’s not how life works?

I’m glad you’re not my mother and I’m glad I’m not a mother like you….

…Here? There? Everywhere? Nowhere?

Instead I’ll tell you about our Easter.

Unlike A1, who is generally the exception to any and most rules when it comes to child rearing, I have a feeling A2 will prove every rule out there to be correct. In particular I am now talking about chocolate and its tendency to make children hyperactive.

A2 had his first Easter this year, which resulted in him having his first chocolate. Coincidentally, the 24th was also the day he turned 8 months. Needless to say, he absolutely loved it! He was dirty and covered with chocolate from head to toe. I even found some in his ears! His blue onesie was transformed into a camo-colored one by all the blotches of brown chocolate drool.

He didn’t have a lot of chocolate, half a bunny lollipop (the stick made it easy to hold) and he sucked a bit on one of those white eggs. But that was enough to keep him awake for almost 5 hours! Normally A2 will have a nap every 2 – 2.5 hours. It didn’t bother me so much though, because he was constantly happy, probably from all the sugar. I started getting slightly worried eventually though, waiting for that inevitable crash, but luckily TF got him to sleep just before that happened.

All in all, I think it was a successful day.

A2′s first Easter

A2 first white egg

All happy smiles

As most of you will recall, during March, A2 spent 2 separate weeks in hospital due to RSV causing secondary pneumonia (1st time) and bronchopneumonia (2nd time). While in hospital the first time, it was also discovered that he had serious ear infection and grommets came up as a possible solution for the problem. He wasn’t responding to the antibiotics with regards to the ear infection, so I immediately agreed. **The fact that he was crying hysterically every afternoon for 3 hours straight regardless of what I tried to calm him may have had something to do with my instant decision**

The doctor promised that putting in grommets now, will reduce the need for future courses of constant antibiotics and also prevent my baby-child from being in pain due to chronic ear infection. Mind you, not that we had any troubles really before, but I didn’t want him to go through that if we could stop it before it starts…

So, since Sunday, we’ve had our first experience with the benefit of him having grommets in his little ears. A yucky, orangey substance has been leaking from his left ear, leaving a sticky mess all over his ears and clothes. It happens mainly during nap times or sleep time, so by the time I get to clean it up, it has hardened and dried out. And there’s so much! So I was thinking, if he didn’t have those little pipes put in, and all that stuff was building up, imagine the agony that baby would have been in?!

Initially, I was just going to leave it and let it run its course, because he has no fever or any other symptoms, but his nose has started running a yucky green too, so maybe the gunk in his ears are starting to affect other bits as well. Luckily, I found the antibiotic eardrops he was discharged with, so have started putting them in. It can’t hurt and if it makes no difference, then it’ll just run out his ear like the gunk right? I’ve also started giving him Illiadin Paediatric Nose drops, to try and clear his nose up. But now I’m not too sure if the nose drops are supposed to soften stuffy noses, or if they are to clear the snot up…?Anyway, it’s in his nose and I’m hoping it helps.

Just as an aside, regardless of how easy it was for me to make this decision to have my baby put under general anesthetics and undergo surgery (however small) - perhaps because I was at my wits end and I just wanted him to get better, with A1 I was the total opposite. When he was little he was once diagnosed with a very mild ear infection. It was round about the same time he was teething too, and he really wasn’t very sick at all. Then, all of a sudden, every body insisted he have grommets put in like he was their child. And I was dead set against it! I really really didn’t feel it was necessary at the time, but I was *again* severely judged for my bad parenting decisions, because what do *I* know, I’m just his mother… He’s never had ear infection since, so I’m glad I stuck to my guns on that one.

That’s why, in hindsight, this is actually a very big deal for me. Having made the split-second decision about something like this, without taking the time to research everything proper or even consult TF in the decision making. I just informed him that it was going to happen, and it did. Fortunately, way back when when the issue arised with A1, I did proper homework on grommets, so I wasn’t completely clueless going in to this thing. But it went against my nature and my whole approach to parenting. Thinking about it now, it sends me into a slight (irrational) panic…

Would I do it again given a second chance? In a heartbeat!

xx

This is a sporadically re occurring conversation between A1 and myself these last couple of weeks:

A1: One day my wife will have white hair with pink.
Me: Oh, that sounds interesting.
A1: And my daughter will also have white hair with pink and my little boy will have white hair with blue.
Me: How many children are you going to have?
A1: 4 – two boys and two girls.
Me: What will their names be? Your wife’s and your childrens’ names?
A1: I don’t know because I haven’t met them yet…

Xx